Missing Cinco de Mayo


Ok Frenchies, let’s start a list:

No Thanksgiving. Ok, I get that. You never met the Indians, you never slaughtered them mercilessly to the point of genocide, then stole their birth right, you out right don’t give a flying monkey f*ck about them. I guess a holiday wouldn’t make much sense. I forgive your general lack of understanding of this classic American holiday and your flagrant disgust of cranberry sauce. You don’t know what you’re missing, and you don’t care.

No Saint Patty’s.

stpatricksdayparisblogSucks, but I suppose I’ve no need to get hammered at 8am in the middle of the work week now that I’m over the 25-yr-hump. (Not sure my feeble, aging body could handle the hangover.) I’ll overlook your lack of funitiude, and chalk it up to the fact that alcohol has no mysteries left for your noble countrymen and vignerons.

No 4/20. D’accord, d’accord, though for a city so full of pot heads, I’m still surprised by that one. I can’t seem to get through a Saturday evening out without getting a whiff of a slpiff (metro, parc, bakery… yeah that was a bit odd). I suppose you don’t need a special day of smoking weed if you’re out getting high on the weekends, eh?

But no Cinco de Mayo? Really? Not a word in the press. The television, sadly, festiviless. I mean for once, you frenchies are involved. I expected more from you guys. I miss the states just thinking about all the assholes who are going to go out and do shots of tequila wearing sombreros or painting fake Mexican mustaches on their faces, passing out while doing the Mexican Hat Dance or something else utterly retarded. Where are my fake mexican mustaches? Schools will be doing stupid Cinco de Mayo parties in Spanish class. Where’s the party over here?? Obviously not where I am.

5 Responses to “Missing Cinco de Mayo”

  1. Comment by Josh | 05/06/10 at 5:00 am

    While your writing is witty, I’m afraid you don’t have a clue when it comes to geography, culture, or history. First off, the French were right there in the US with the Brits slaughtering Native Americans and even hiring them as mercenaries, too. Second, St. Patrick’s day was originally an Irish holiday and now it’s celebrated only in countries that have a significant Irish diaspora (i.e. not France). Next, 4/20 refers to the American police code for pot possession and therefore makes no sense in France. Finally, and this is the big one, Cinqo de Mayo is the day Mexicans celebrate their underdog win over French forces in 1862! It would be pretty strange to see the French celebrating this day. But, alas, holidays are fun and ignorance is bliss.

  2. Comment by Gabrielle | 05/06/10 at 5:04 am

    I don’t know, do you *really* expect the French to celebrate a day when they got their asses kicked? Not gonna happen I think this may be the reason why you can’t find a decent margarita in the whole town, apart from (dare I say it) the Hard Rock!

  3. Comment by Shannon | 05/06/10 at 10:48 am

    @Josh – And class has BEGUN! Whip our your notebooks or Josh will smack your little fingers till they bleed!! Thanks for the info & your comments, I’m sure readers appreciate your vast historical knowledge. Even lowly bloggers like me love wikipedia, incidentally I check it before I post more than you would believe lol. ps – It’s called sarcasm, you can wiki that too if you need more insight. 😉 Hope you’ll keep reading despite my pitiful grasp of history (my dad was a history teacher, maybe I’m going through some kind of post-adolescent revolt?)

    @Gabrielle – As Josh so thoroughly pointed out, the US got its arse handed to them as well (none of these American “holidays” are something to celebrate really), but that doesn’t stop us does it? I thought it was ironic considering France has so damn many, yet these days go uncelebrated. That, and I just really miss doing shots while wearing a sombrero and shouting “En delay!!! AArrrrrrIIIiBbbbaAAAA” in a drunken haze.

    Might I suggest: http://52martinis.blogspot.com/ for your margarita hunt? Forest knows her stuff, and she’s lovely.

    Thanks for the comments!

  4. Comment by brenda | 05/10/10 at 12:00 am

    Oh, this was sarcasm? Well played, then.

  5. Comment by Queen jane | 11/20/10 at 3:43 am

    Haha, how’s that nobody noticed the sarcasm? I was LOL imagining the French celebrating La Batalla de Puebla! Haha again.

Comments are closed