Take this quiz to discover just how deeply you love the country and its people.

You wear:

a) an “I love Paris” T-shirt

b) a sweater tied around your neck

c) a permanent scowl

You eat:

a) Nutella crepes

b) kidneys and escargots

c) n’importe quoi, provided it’s covered in a butter and washed down with wine

You apply deodorant:

a) daily

b) on hot days

c) what is deodorant?

Your next trip back to your country of origin:

a) can’t come soon enough

b) will satify family obligations

c) is merely to stock up on Peet’s coffee

You are:

a) monogamous

b) hooking up whenever possible

c) married, and both you and your spouse have lovers

Your French is on a level at which:

a) it was in high school

b) you get around OK

c) you correct the grammar of natives

A British-themed pub opens near you. You:

a) stop in and drink a pint

b) prefer your typical corner cafe

c) write a letter of complaint to the Mairie about the degradation of French culture

When making a toast, you say:

a) Santé!

b) Vive la France!

c) A bas tous les pays sauf la France!

Your two-wheeled transport:

a) is a Velib bike

b) is your own bike

c) has a motor and is covered in pigeon poo

You dream:

a) in English peppered with French

b) in French

c) of the return of the French empire that Napolean envisioned

Answers: Tally the number of a, b and c answers.

Mostly A: Consider returning home. The only time you’re able to utter the gutteral French “r” is when hurling at the offal in butcher windows.

Mostly B: Your love of Gallic culture is great but conditional. You don’t smoke and are known to smile now and then. However, a few attempts at obtaining a carte de sejour may harden you enough to pass for a real frog.

Mostly C: You’re more French than Cloclo. In fact, you know who Cloclo is. What’s more, you own one of his albums. To your friends’ horror, you like it.